Chapter 11 - La Mia Luna in Giugno

I gotta stay high all the time

To keep you off my mind

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Spend my days locked in a haze

Trying to forget you babe

I fall back down

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

she felt free. she felt like she could do anything. she felt good in her own body, she felt so much lighter about everything. if only she could always feel like that, she thought to herself. how she wished she could always feel like in her dreams, or the same way she felt when she's high, drunk or maybe even both. the only time she didn't wish that was when she was with Luna or June but now that she lost both... if only she could be put into sleep forever as she knows she can't just be high or drunk all the time.

I gotta stay

Staying in my play pretend

Where the fun ain't got no end

Ooh

Can't go home alone again

Need someone to numb the pain

Ooh

she found herself wandering in the streets, really high and drunk. just mumbling the song, she needed someone to numb the fucking pain. she saw a bike and obviously, the urge to ride it was the first thing to come in her mind. she took her phone out to rent the bike, even just for a bit, she wanted to go far away. she rode the bike at full speed in empty streets with her music on while smoking a cigarette. she could probably die. probably. she was a dumbass teenager who liked those risks anyway.

they both fell asleep after doing it multiple times until their body couldn't take it anymore. they ended up sleeping naked and they were cuddling with each other. Mia had her face against June's chest so she could feel her heartbeat, June's hands were around Mia's head. it was their moment, their alone together moment. come to think of it, they always filled the void in them with each other. their mind and heart were full of each other. Mia woke up and she smiled when she saw that June was by her side, she liked the fact the she was always there when she woke up. most of her hookups would have been gone already, it was the same thing with Luna. she hated that, she hated being left. June made her feel loved, she made her feel everything was okay. her fingers were crawling up June's skin, she wanted her to feel her touch even in her sleep.

as time went by, she heard a door opening. footsteps getting closer. she was confused as her heart was beating faster and louder. it was worse when she saw who was it, it felt like her heart jumping out of her body. it was Luna. Luna stood there, not sure how to react but you could see her surprised face.

Honey came in and she caught me red-handed

Creeping with the girl next door

Picture this we were both butt naked

Banging on the bathroom floor

How could I forget that I had

Given her an extra key

All this time she was standing there

She never took her eyes off me

June woke up when she felt someone else's presence in the room: « uh- who the fuck is that...? » and before Mia could even have the time to explain or even react, Luna was already gone as she threw the spare keys she had on the floor and slammed the door. Mia couldn't even look June in the eye, she knew she fucked up. June completely got out of Mia's arms, she stared at her, waiting for an explanation: « what the hell, Mia? who the hell was that girl? i thought you didn't do hookups twice? she had your fucking spare keys when i don't so you probably hooked up more than twice. i'm so fucking done with you... — she didn't even have the energy to raise her voice at Mia, tears started dropping on her cheeks — when are you gonna stop torturing me? when are you gonna stop breaking my heart? you can't even... look at me. — at that moment, it was Mia's heart that dropped with June's tears — come to think of it, you didn't even give me an answer... i guess this is an answer, huh? ». Mia's body had completely frozen at that moment, words couldn't get out of her mouth. June got out of the bed and got dressed up quickly to leave as soon as possible.

it was like two of her worlds colliding together, she had June in the nighttime for once and she had Luna in the daytime for once as well. she knew that this was meant to happen, you can't have both the moon and the sun to yourself for too long. Mia had her head between her hands, she was panicking. she didn't know how to handle all of these overwhelming feelings and emotions. she's pretty sure she was going crazy, by trying to put all of the pieces together, she was ruining it even more.

it is a curse to feel too much.

it is a risk to fall in love.

« oh Mia, can't you just let your heart and mind die together? »

and maybe if she didn't feel everything too much, she wouldn't have been like this. maybe if she didn't let herself get attached this much, it wouldn't have been this bad. she knew she had no reason to be upset but it fucking hurt. so much that pain was the only thing she could think about. she brought the 4th heartbreak upon herself, she's the one who did this to herself. her mind was full of self blaming, her heart was full of heavy sorrow and her body was full of ache. she felt even worse about feeling this way because she knew she didn't have the right to feel this way. she just couldn't pretend she was the victim when she was the one destroying everything. she had no fucking right.

overthinking as the tick of the clock goes, it was evening by the time went by. she pulled out the drawer of her nightstand, she took a box of medicines she had and there was a sachet hidden there. she took out the sachet, it was a pill of ecstasy that was too crushed that it became powder. she took a good quarter of the powder, she pushed away all of the things on her nightstand violently as she spread the powder on it. she took a card to make tracks clearer, she rolled up a receipt and snorted each. it hit so hard that she had to take the time to recover from the pain her nose felt. it felt good after some time, she was smiling to herself.

she got dressed up; she had her black overall with lace sleeves, she put on her usual dark harnessed Dr. Martens and to top it off, she had her black denim jacket. yup, everything she wore was black. she took the sachet with her. she got out as soon as she took her phone and keys. it was starting to hit her, she would be smiling when she saw someone pass by. she would find herself just staring at the lights and pretend like they were fireworks. everything looked so fun, she couldn't think about any of her sorrowful memories. it was her, only herself. she wanted to be alone but not with herself, she didn't want to be herself at all, it was a pain in the ass to be alone with her thoughts.

and each time there was a road, she would just run in the middle of it. she didn't feel in danger at all, she actually felt at peace at night. or maybe it was because of the drug? probably both. she would find herself in random bars and getting alcohol, she knew it was a bad idea to mix with ecstasy but she couldn't give any more fucks at this point. she pulled out cigarettes at random moments when she could smoke, she felt good in those moments. it was all fake, all superficial but it was better than being alone with her negative thoughts. as soon as she felt hitting rock bottom, she snorted another track of ecstasy.

Chapter 11

you can't have both the moon and the sun to yourself for too long