— in Mia's dreams —

it was only Mia in a dark place, you couldn't see any other shapes or any other living beings. she was all alone, she just... felt really sad. she couldn't move her body, her tiny body was stuck in this big world. it's how she constantly felt, she always felt small. she felt small in a way she couldn't change a single thing of her fate. it looked like she didn't have her fate in her own hands. Mia... liked being in control of things so she hated feeling like this. it looked like she had been stuck in an endless loop, always having the same ending: June and Luna leaving her. she couldn't change it, she couldn't bring herself to do so. she felt like she only let things to be the way they were since she felt so undeserving, she knew that she was the one who fucked up... she was the one who was fucked up all along. how come she felt this way in a dream? and here she thought that dreams were her safe place from any harm in the real world, the only thing she wanted at that moment was to wake up.

suddenly, everything turned bright. she was abruptly at someone's place she didn't know, it seemed to be a party with everyone dancing around. she took a cup that seemed to be full of alcohol on a table. everything went so fast, she was already making out with someone in the kitchen, she didn't even know who it was, she didn't really care at this point.

I found out the way to your heart

Then found myself completely lost

Whatever, it doesn't matter, we fine

I don't need to label how we good time

And we don't need to tell nobody, we ride

'Cause fuck it, we're young, it's just fun

everything felt both clear and not, she just went with the flow. at some point, she was making out with two girls.

It started off just a touch

Innocent like friends, like friends

Yeah, wake up here tired, horizontal

We just friends, just friends

Maybe one drink, nothing too far gone (too far)

Is it the stars saying fall in love? No

We don't say much as we lay here

We just friends, just friends

they were all making out to the beat of the song, their tongue dancing with one another & their body moved along with it. the two girls went down on Mia's body with their fingers and tongue colliding with her body, they were giving kisses to Mia's neck and they were full of raw feelings and emotions. it was supposed to be only two strangers, right... ? they conveyed a billion of feelings with their kisses. after kissing Mia's neck quite enough, they looked at her right in the eye with lust and desire in their eyes. that's when... Mia realized it was Luna and June.

she grabbed a bike to go home, she was sorta hoping Luna was home. she was sure that she would make her feel better just by being there. when she was home, she noticed that Luna wasn't there. she sadly and disappointedly sat on her bed then she saw a note hanging up on her nightstand: « i went to the library. if i'm not by the library, i'm probably skating at the skatepark. if not skating... then you know where i went. », there was an emoji sticking their tongue up drawn on the note: « ugh, this girl. ». Luna really liked playing those hide and seek games, it didn't bother Mia though, she liked it also. it made her happy actually, it would be a good distraction for her.

she went to their usual library, she looked for Luna by asking the librarian because he knew both of them well, he replied that she was not there but she went there earlier to put back a book. Mia knew damn well what it was, it was the Romeo & Juliet book she had stolen from that library so she knew exactly where they would both hide that book so no one would know about it but it wasn't impossible to find it out, they both enjoyed that possibility, that risk. they probably just enjoyed the fact that they could be found as well.

it's like they were both Romeo & Juliet themselves, they had to hide in order to find each other. Mia actually liked this feeling, she didn't really know how to name it just like all of the things that Luna made her feel. everything, for once, was indescribable. she made her feel like pandemonium, an indescribable mess.

back to the book, she finally found it. she unsurprisingly found a new note inside of it: « help me, my Romeo, tonight at 10pm at our usual spot. »

« what the hell...? », said Mia out loud.

before she knew, Juliet had taken her on another ride she wasn't aware of.

Chapter 12

« what the hell? »

— back to reality, Mia woke up —

Luna woke up at the hospital, on a bed. she tried to remember what happened and she whispered: « oh shit. ». she quickly analyzed the place by moving around her eyes, it was a complete white room. she finally noticed someone was besides her, completely asleep. it was dark so she couldn't recognize who it was. she tried to wake up the person by stroking their hair: « mhm...? Mia... Mia! ». it was Luna, it made Mia so happy to know it was her:

« - i was... so worried. they called me first because you had my number on a torn paper...

- i'm glad i asked you your number at the library back then.

- you're glad you hit on me, huh?

- always a pleasure when it comes to you, baby.

- ugh, you've just woken up and you're already hitting on me... that hasn't changed at all. — she sighed — but dumbass, i got worried sick for you! you've been unconscious for what seems like 3 days... fucking dumbass, what did you do? — Luna's voice broke a bit and she sounded like she was going to cry. or she probably already did... —

- i... i'm sorry, Luna. — Mia caressed her cheek — i'm just a dumbass like you said, i was trying to... uh... forget.

- don't ever do that again! i'm here, you know that...

- i mean, it would have been awkward calling you after that...

- was it... because of that?

- no. not at all. forget about it, okay? i'm sorry, i really am. and i thank you for caring about me, it made me happy to see your pretty cute face. »

they held hands for quite a while after that, they were talking about pretty much anything they could think of. it was kind of like the first days they hung out when they were learning more and more about each other, just one of them falling for another more and more also. Mia practically forgot what happened the other day between all of them, she felt even dumb for even risking her life because whenever she was with Luna, she liked living, she didn't feel like taking risks without taking care of herself. she wanted to keep on living, feeling all this adrenaline to feel alive but still wanted to be alive in the end. it felt good to love while being alive, it felt good to just live at the same moment as your loved one.

the next morning, Mia could finally leave. it was pretty quick, she just thanked the nurses around and the doctor who had been in charge of her. thankfully, they didn't bother call any of her parents even if they're both out of the country at the moment. they both left together and they went to Mia's place:

« - here, take back your keys.

- my keys, huh? — believe it or not, this actually did something to Mia's heart, it clearly looked like they're some kind of young couple living in together —

- shut up and take them. — Mia threw the keys to Luna —

- i wanted to tell you something.

- hold up, you're scaring me. are you pregnant?

- wait... what? no!

- oh okay, i was trying to think about the worst case scenario, you know.

- just let me speak, dumbass. it's important. so uh... — Luna walked around Mia's bedroom while looking her room —

- mmh. — Mia turned off the lights and turned on a smaller one that was on her desk, it put on some kind of chill vibes and she turned on her speaker to put some songs to set off a mood — better, now? »

You need a pick me up?

I'll be there in twenty five

I like to push my luck

So take my hand, let's take a drive

I've been living in the future

Hoping I might see you sooner

I want you, right at shotgun I knew

When I got one right

Let's fall in love for the night

And forget in the morning

Play me a song that you like

You can bet I'll know every line

I'm a boy that your boy hoped that you would avoid

Don't waste your eyes on jealous guys, fuck that noise

I know better than to call you mine

« - yeah, so... — Luna carefully listened to the lyrics and she smirked when she heard them as she knew Mia was the kind of person that put on songs corresponding her mood and what she felt — that's what was missing. thank you. — Mia nodded and looked at her, waiting for her to carry on — i'm sorry for suddenly leaving and just leaving you a note, it was probably... rude. that night made me think a lot of things. so... i went to see my mom, to confront her. it went awful, it really did. we ended up screaming at each other, slumming the doors, her breaking things... she told me i couldn't just do what i want anymore. that she was going to take different proceedings this time, she would take more and more of my freedom. she would force me into a lot of things even if i didn't wanna do them at all. she didn't care if i would end up crying and begging her, she wanted me to start finally act like a good daughter. — Luna looked down while fidgeting with her fingers — Mia... i'm scared. i really am. i don't wanna go home anymore.

- Luna, Luna... — Mia got closer and gave her a huge hug — i won't let anyone hurt you, not even your own mother. we'll figure this out together, okay? she can't stop you from being yourself. and she won't because i'm here.

- god, Mia, i missed you... — Luna hugged her even tighter — thank you for always being here. thanks for making me feel those things... thanks for making me feel safe, for making me feel like home, for making me feel special. thank you... »

it'd be wrong to say that all of the things that Luna tell her didn't make her all sort of things. it wasn't completely the same thing because she knew she was falling for her more and more. she knew she had to something about this, she knew she had to confront June about it. Mia is a really indecisive person but once she made her decision, she won't go back on it. she knew what she had to do next, she had to go see June. she carefully put a peck on Luna's forehead: « i'm going back, i have to confront someone too, okay? and you know you can consider this as your place, this is your home. », Luna nodded and smiled at her, it was a "thank you" smile.

soon after that, Mia headed out. she turned on her phone and that's when she realized a lot of her friends called her, asking her where she was and even her parents were worrying about her. she quickly replied to them by saying she had another mental breakdown which she succeeded to pass as a joke though it was kind of the truth. June even called her multiple times, even though it was less then she would have because she was upset, she still did call her a lot. it reassured Mia that June cared for her even in their worst argues, soon after Mia answered her, June asked her to meet up which made things easier for Mia. she was nervous though, she felt bad about not being able to return her feelings. she thought she did for a while but it turned out to be just attraction.

they met up at a park next to their usual bridge, they both sat down with June glaring at her coldly, it was obvious that she was upset:

« - what the hell again, Mia? you disappeared a-fucking-gain, for fuck's sake.

- wow, calm down, that's a lot of swear words.

- look, you know what happened last time. i expected you to explain, i expected you to be the one calling me multiple times, i expected... i always expect a lot from you. but here i am, still the one crawling back to you. what am i exactly to you, Mia?

- June... i'm sorry. i got high, okay? i got hella wasted too. i really had a mental breakdown. i didn't know what to do with myself anymore after what happened... i hate hurting you, you know that.

- yet you still choose to hurt me.

- i don't choose to hurt you. i'm sorry i haven't given you a clear answer... i didn't know my feelings either for a while. now i do. and... i love her. — June's tears started dropping her cheeks while it was Mia's heart that kept dropping when she saw her that hurt, specially when she was the reason — but it doesn't mean i don't have strong feelings for you. i love you but it's not the same love i have for her... June, i want you to know that you're the most beautiful person i've seen. each time i see you, i get the butterflies. when i get close to you, to your details, i keep looking at them and admiring them. i'm lucky i got to see this hot gorgeous girl closer. i'm lucky that she loves me. i'm lucky that she trusted me enough to let me in. but i can't keep hurting you this way... you don't deserve this, you deserve better. please believe me when i say i love you, believe me when i say all of those compliments. believe me on that. »

it had been silent for a while, Mia decided to stand up. June caught her up and hugged her tightly as she started crying a lot. Mia got surprised and she returned the hug:

« - i love you, June, i really do.

- thank you, Mia. i... love you. i'm in love with you. »

Mia gave June one of the tightest hugs she has ever given. she knew it was gonna be the last time she would see her. at least not for a while, she was restraining herself from giving kisses to June so she just kept on staring at her and she kept the hug going on: « you can kiss me. please do actually... i know this is the last time. », Mia was a bit taken aback and she smiled as she proceeded, she kissed June all over her face and neck and she carefully placed those kisses as she would look at them before giving it a kiss. lastly, she kissed June on the lips. they deepened the kiss as their lips were dancing together, it was the last dance so they had to make this last. June wished this kiss lasted for a lifetime, she really wanted it to last forever. it was both the best and the worst kiss, the best because this kiss was meaningful for both of them but the worst because it was the last. but maybe if they danced in the pale moonlight then maybe forever would have existed.

ever felt a breakup without even being in a relationship?

yeah, that's how it felt like. it felt like a breakup, it felt like the worst one. Mia hadn't realized what was June impact on her until that but she couldn't go back on her decision. it was too late. she already made that decision. but the way June looked at her, she just silently listened to her without getting upset at her. it made her so sad so see June that down, she wanted her to be happy after all. she's really going to miss her company though, she liked being with her a lot. she liked her a lot.

Mia walked away after staying at the park for a bit after June left, she couldn't keep her mind away from everything that was happening. her emotions and feelings were overflowing, she didn't know how to handle such pressure. it sure happens a lot lately but she wasn't used to it.