when Mia saw Luna tear up, she was a bit surprised. she wiped her tears up with her fingers. she didn't expect that reaction so she just hugged Luna to comfort her, maybe she was both too tired and too drunk:

« - hey, you can sleep you know? you can use me as a pillow.

- no, it's not that, i'm not tired... i wanna know about your heartbreaks too. i wanna know why you were once scared to fall in love. i wanna know more about that someone. Mia, i wanna know more about you. i want you to tell me about that love you were talking about.

- uhuh, that's quite surprising you wanna know all that stuff about me... tell me, what changed? we were strangers not so long ago.

- "what changed?" we changed. we're not strangers anymore now.

- touché. well, hum, where should i start?... — Mia recollected her thoughts — i think my first big heartbreak was when i heard my father shout at my mom. when i had to hold my tears back, when my body was aching from the heartbreak i was feeling. i think my heart broke each time i saw my mom hold her tears backs too or the few moments she couldn't keep it in so she would cry and i would cry with her, for her. — Mia's voice was a bit shaky, she swallowed her own saliva to stop her from crying — the second one was when i had broken up with my girlfriend, i couldn't bear breaking her heart, it hurt seeing her that way. i still loved her but we couldn't keep that relationship anymore, it was toxic to the both of us. and it's always the accumulation of things, my heart broke each time she told me that she missed me, that she still loved me, that she... harmed herself thinking about me, about us. and finally, i think it was when i was at the hospital with my two other close friends, when when we had to visit my best friend, i knew we wouldn't be able to see her because visitors weren't allowed but i we had to hand her something. basically, we had to see her mom that i had known for years as well, she explained us everything. and you know, it was just that moment, she just had enough and she started crying in front of us. i felt my heart shattering, even more when i saw my friends tearing up a few tears but i was there, i couldn't even cry. my chest was aching too much, i had to hold my tears again.

- fuck, Mia... — Luna held Mia so tightly, she was petting her back — you don't have to hold back. not with me. i hope you don't fucking blame yourself and that you didn't even think about blaming yourself. if you do, i'm gonna fucking, uh, hug you until you cry and you tell yourself that it's not your fault.

- oh... — Mia started shedding a few tears and she hugged her even more tightly — ... thank you, Luna, i really mean it.

- it's really our night, huh? we both saw each other cry now.

- i don't cry in front of people so you should feel honored.

- oh my god, — Luna said sarcastically — i saw the stone hearted Mia who plays with people's heart cry.

- dumbass. — this was enough to make Mia smile and lighten up a bit — now, it's your turn, mysterious hottie.

- fuck you, i'm not that mysterious anymore, — the word « hottie » used by Mia made Luna slightly blush — um, i had one huge heartbreak in my life and trust me, it was enough for me to be scared of loving again.

- hum, is this why you used to always look sad? that day at the library, when you were listening to music...

- you sure do remember little details. yeah, basically... i fell in love with my best friend. his name is Alex, he has soft and caring gorgeous blue eyes. he has soft and fluffy dark hair. he was just the perfect heartthrob dude you see in movies, he wasn't the douchebag kind instead he was the really kind hearted one. he was the one i wrote lyrics with for hours, the one i stayed up with late at night just because one of us was feeling sad, the one who taught me how to skate. he gave me reasons to live and i was just so in love with him but i never told him as i thought we'd just live our lives together and in fear we'd become just strangers, in fear that i would only get cold stares. one night, i didn't answer him because i was really tired. that next morning, i found out that he got into an accident. i was so worried that i rushed into the hospital. a few hours passed, he was still passed out. — sorrow could be felt in Luna's gaze — no, he didn't die. he lost most of his memories and most of them were his friends so he definitely forgot about me. the doctor said that he was in a really bad mental health state and the best for him would be to forget most of the memories he had forever or he would be in a depression loop as the memories he had were too painful for him, it was really complicated. i couldn't... — Luna just broke down — i couldn't even tell him that i loved him, that i love him. the worst was to be left imagining the could've beens.

- Luna, Luna... — Mia stared at Luna with such gentleness and caring, she felt sorry and worried for her. she just quietly hugged her — i'm sorry you had to go through all of this. thank you for telling me. but now, you don't have to go through all of this alone. we both have each other now. »

they just quietly stared at each other, as usual the silences between them were never comfortable. this one was different from the others though, it was the silence after a long deep sad conversation with both of them crying. Mia liked stroking Luna's hair, she kept on giving tiny bit of affection to comfort her. they were definitely not strangers anymore, i mean, what kind of friends kiss and then just talk about their lives all night to each other? also, there was something about Luna when she cries that made Mia's heart do a thing. she doesn't know what thing exactly but it sure did something to her, she wouldn't dare being the reason of her heartbreaks nor her tears. those moments when she cried, only one song could describe how she felt. it was Sunflower by Rex Orange County.

I don't wanna see you cry

You don't have to feel this emptiness

she half sang the lyrics, it was more in a whispering tone, while looking at Luna and she giggled as a response and she said that it described their current situation. Luna leaned her head on Mia's shoulder as they were both looking at the moon and the stars:

« - maybe you wanna sleep now after crying. — she said softly while caressing Luna's head —

- yeah, now that you say it, i'm kinda sleepy... — she yawned — »

Mia and Luna were cuddling as they shifted position for Luna to feel more comfortable. soon after finding a nice position, she fell asleep. Mia took off Luna's glasses, she was too tired to take them off herself. gosh, she looked just so gorgeous while she didn't have her glasses on and she was sleeping innocently. she defeatedly admitted to herself that she felt really strong feelings for that girl. her heart was too weak for her, she'd go all soft with her. she had such hard time having feelings for people, that's why she didn't do "relationships" because she was both scared of getting her heart broken and breaking someone's heart. for some reason, she wasn't scared with Luna. she was willing to take this risk. on the spur of the moment, while processing all these feelings, she quietly whispered: « oh god, Luna, i feel like falling for you over and over again. ». she just realized what she had done, she felt embarrassed. she hoped that Luna didn't hear it, she didn't wanna ruin what they had. she didn't even know what she wanted. what does she even feel? she has June, she can't break her heart. it was probably because they were getting closer, the fact that she was both drunk and tired didn't help either, that must be it.

the next morning came, it was still dawn. Luna wasn't there anymore, Mia panicked until she found the book next to her. she found a new sheet of paper inside of it: « don't come looking for me. until our next runaway ». Mia sighed out of relief, she was still a bit concerned that maybe Luna heard her. she couldn't get that possibility out of her mind, she could definitely see Luna chickening out.

after recollecting her own thoughts, she suddenly had the idea of calling June. they both liked watching sunrises together and it was mostly after staying up all night because they would mostly have sex, make out and cuddle. they would also talk though, about their days and nights. about their problems, they really trusted each other. just that lately, they would just fill their nights with affection as they needed to fill the empty spaces.

Oh, I'm looking for affection in all the wrong places

And we'll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces

You're saying what you want right to me

No filter on your mouth, we know you talk in your sleep

Remembering the times they won't remember me

Our nights melt into sequels, you sink into me

Mia liked to think about a song for each feeling, each situation, each place, each person. she liked the idea of songs replacing words she didn't have, songs did everything for her. soon enough, she texted June: « im going to our usual bridge to come see the sunrise. wanna come, some hot babe? 💋». after that text, she went to their bridge. on her way there, she was lost in her thoughts. she was trying to figure out what she really felt for those two. it seemed like she grew pretty attached to the two of them. at this point, she was only going with the flow. it's funny how her day always starts with June and how it ends with Luna, it represented her desires, she was longing for some June time at this exact moment.

she wanted her to be hers.

Chapter 9

i don't wanna see you cry