So have you got the guts?

Been wondering if your heart's still open and

if so I wanna know what time it shuts

Simmer down and pucker up

I'm sorry to interrupt it's just I'm constantly

on the cusp of trying to kiss you

I don't know if you feel the same as I do

But we could be together, if you wanted to

and at that exact moment, on the part of « I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you », Mia's body moved alone and right along with the song, she pressed her lips against Luna's. she didn't try to kiss her even more deeply, it was kind of an, uhm, clumsy accident. her body moved due to her craving but it moved way faster than her mind, her sane mind would haven't done that. Luna didn't kiss her back nor push her away, their world seemed to have stopped after that kiss, they were just both looking into each other's eyes, both gasping. Mia really looked like she wanted more but she couldn't bring their faces, their lips together. she couldn't just force herself into Luna.

If this feeling flows both ways

(Sad to see you go)

Was sorta hoping that you'd stay

(Baby we both know)

That the nights were mainly made for saying

things that you can't say tomorrow day

as the chorus hits, it was exactly at « Sad to see you go » where Luna took off, she just ran away probably out of panic. this song was too fucking good for what just happened. Mia couldn't even chase after her, she knew she fucked up. but she couldn't stop smiling and feel her own lips with her fingertips. she couldn't believe what she just had done, her cravings worked faster than her mind. fucking lust, huh? but no, it wasn't lust for Luna, she was pretty sure it had been love at first sight. the time it took her mind to process what just happened was kind of long as she didn't sleep so her mind was both sleepy and tired. but for a moment, she didn't think about anything. Luna made her completely stop thinking about her feelings, her overflowing thoughts. after a few running wild thoughts, she was starting to be scared. it drove her crazy again, to not understand how Luna felt. or maybe it wasn't that at all that drove her crazy, maybe it was the fact she understood everything Luna felt. she knew for sure that Luna didn't feel the same way as her which she was scared of, she couldn't accept that fact. it wasn't being rejected that she feared, it was what came after; all those awkward stares, Luna backing up each time she got closer and the worst thing would be to see disgust in her face. it was the least thing she wanted, she didn't wanna freak Luna out.

Mia fell asleep soon after that, her running wild thoughts drained her. she woke up after a few hours ago, it was already 3pm and her first thought when she woke up was: Luna. she was worried for her, since she was running away, where could've she run out to? she knew for sure she didn't come out to her place after that. she doesn't even have a phone. and the second thing that came to her mind, even though she was upset at her, was: June. she looked at her phone, she had more of a dozen of missed calls from June which was a lot because June rarely called and she had received so many texts from her as well. she just shrugged it off though, she had to look for Luna and apologize. so she immediately went to their usual spot but no one was there, it couldn't be that easy. Luna would never make it easy for her, she just made everything so difficult for Mia. their second usual meeting spot was the library but Luna was nowhere to be found.

at some point, Mia gave up, she looked for her for hours. by then, it was almost sunset. she found herself in a park where she usually went with June. it was their spot. this sent some shivers to her spine as she was running her fingers on the swing set. all the things they did there, roughly making out, always almost having sex. she always wondered how it felt making love and not having sex with June but it was probably impossible. she went on one of the swing sets, she just swung herself like if she was waiting for someone. that's when actually June appeared, Mia didn't say anything, she kept on swinging like she didn't see her. June directly went to Mia and hugged her: « - i was worried sick for you!

- uhuh, didn't look like it when you were on that jock.

- what the fuck do you mean, Mia? – she had backed up from the hug as she saw that Mia wasn't giving it back –

- i saw you yesterday night. you were both making out. you even talked slutty to him. for fuck's sake, it's your ex boyfriend, of course it meant something to the both of you! – Mia couldn't look June straight into the eyes, she knew it'd would get June even more upset but she couldn't give a damn for now –

- making out? just like this? – June tried kissing Mia but she turned her face away –

- stop, i don't wanna do this anymore. i don't wanna talk to you.

- and what do you think i felt when i saw you in bed with all of your hookups?

- they were only one time things, you know that and besides you did that too–

- how can you be so fucking dense? i never... i never did anything with anyone, you kept saying you were too scared to fall in love so it was only normal for me to adapt to you so i endured it all this time, if being in this ambiguous relationship with you was the only way i could have you even for a bit then i was still fine with it! i was fine with it... i was supposed to but i love you, Mia, it hurts seeing you having sex with countless people and to be just one of them, it hurts that you won't even look me in the eye right now, even more that you won't believe me when i say i don't have feelings for Dylan! it has always been you, Mia, godammit, it's always been you... is it selfish to want you for myself? »

June bursted out of tears, she couldn't just help by crying, she was holding it for so long. Mia didn't know how to react, first she was sad and she felt dumb that she didn't noticed it earlier. second, she was happy that June was in love with her. finally, it was a mix of all emotions and feelings, it was too fucked up in her mind at this point. Mia just hugged June, she held her tightly. June hates to admit it but she felt safe in Mia's arms, she was hurting her feelings but she was still her safe place.

Chapter 7

sad to see you go

Mia didn't really get some sleep that night, her thoughts were overflowing. she didn't like this, she really just wanted to get high so she could forget. it tortured her to feel all sort of emotions, all sort of feelings. this is why she always pretended she didn't have any but now it got to the point it hurt so much to even keep it in. it was a warm day in June, thinking about June when they met that day in Fall. so much lust in both their eyes when their eyes met. oh why so much lust and ache in her mind? she didn't even know what to think, what to feel. she felt so small in her own body, she was too small for this world, this world was locking her up. what could've she done to prevent this? absolutely a lot, she could have told June she always loved her and maybe she wouldn't even thinking all of these things for Luna at the same time, maybe June wouldn't be making out with her ex boyfriend. so many feelings to give for two people who are both giving it away to another person. all of these things she could have done to avoid getting hurt but in the end, she's always the one getting herself hurt. she's the one pulling the trigger of her own gun.

suddenly she heard knocks on her door, it was Luna so she let her in. Luna looked worried as Mia didn't speak at all that night after what happened between Dylan and June, she didn't even bother explaining her. Luna sat next to Mia on her bed, Mia had just let out a loud sigh and she put her head on Luna's shoulder. Mia, ”jokingly“ said: « can't you just fall in love with me? ». Luna blushed even though she knew it was a joke, she stroke Mia's hair: « don't say that just because you're heartbroken... ». deep inside, Mia meant it though, she wanted Luna to fall in love with her the same way she was with her. Luna's eyes looked like they hid a lot of emotions behind them, a lot of feelings and memories untold. Mia paid a lot of attention to tiny details, she fell in love with each of those. for example, the way Luna would tilt or shake her head to rearrange her bangs, it was really cute to see. when she took off her glasses, her the honey colored of her eyes came out even more. it was the way she looked at her, her glances made both Mia want to stare at her forever as her eyes were really pretty but Mia didn't want to either because she knew the longer she stared at those eyes, she wouldn't be able to hold her feelings back. when Mia would joke around and Luna would just giggle to it, her giggles sounded so cute and Mia wanted to hear her forever. and God, her smile was to die for- anyway, it was all those tiny things that made her fall for her. it was the accumulation of all of these. it was like the playgirl of the town falling for the introvert girl which was probably funny to see. she wanted to discover every side of this mysterious girl, she wanted to fall even more with everything about her, she was willing to take the risk. yeah, it was the risk she wanted to talk about. the risk of falling in love.

Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?

'Cause I always do

Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new

Now I've thought it through

Crawling back to you

anyway, Mia and Luna started jamming to Do I Wanna Know? and it was also the way Luna sang softly the lyrics, her voice was really pretty. the songs really seemed like they belonged to her. Mia always wondered if Luna wrote lyrics, she really seemed like she was a good songwriter or even just a writer. she just started imagining Luna sitting on her desk, collecting her thoughts and searching ideas for lyrics. and just the small thought of her writing lyrics about Mia made her heart flutter, she knew it would be hard to convince her of doing so but just hoping that it was a possibility made her smile.

Mia and Luna weren't really talking, they were simply jamming to their songs. Mia kept touching Luna's hand and she kept telling her how pretty her hands were, she told her even more compliments. Mia liked complimenting people, specially girls and even more specially than that, girls she had a soft spot for. Luna deserved to know all the things Mia liked about her, all the little things she wouldn't notice, all the things she wouldn't even find pretty about herself. Mia wanted her to love everything about herself, it was cheesy but she really liked boosting people's confidence. she continued playing with Luna's hand, intertwining their hand and separating them again. she also caressed it, she was feeling Luna's soft hand.